Trash Talk….

Trash Talk.

It’s everywhere.

We see it in the news, advertisements, and in our everyday interactions.

Many of us may not even be aware that we are doing it because it is so “normal”.

I’m not just talking about judgemental comments or “critical” conversations. I’m talking about what kinds of questions we ask, and how we use the power of the spoken word in our day-to-day interactions.

Sadly, “trash talk” (emotionally depleting, and negative conversations and discussions) is the way that many of us bond, and build relationships with others. An even crazier thing is that most of the time, people don’t even realize that they are participating in it.

Building these kinds of relationships and having these interactions is not only harmful to ourselves, but to our reputation. If someone is trash talking someone else, its almost a guarantee that they’re trash talking behind your back as well. Meaningful relationships, and friendships aren’t built on a foundation of negativity, something weak that doesn’t help either one become better or grow; which is the whole purpose of a relationship.

So, trash talk is bad. But what is the alternative? If it’s so hurtful and harmful to ourselves and others, what is the other way?

Growth talk.

Small minds discuss people, Great minds discuss ideas.

Social interactions can be identified in 4 different ways:

1. One-sided conversations, where one person does all the talking without giving the other person a chance to interact, or not asking questions or showing interest in the other.
2. Another type of conversation where one person is extremely interested in the other, and doesn’t want to talk about themselves, and does all the question asking.
3. Two way (or more) conversation where both are bouncing off of each others’ complaints, or about other people. An underlying negative tone, one that leads to lots of back stabbing comments or people trying to one up another in how bad their life or situation is.
4. Last, the rarest of them all, and yet my favourite: a two way (or more) conversation where the people are both asking questions, and both are discussing ideas (instead of people). They talk about the future, where they want to be and desire to become, their visions, philosophies, beliefs, problems (BUT also solutions to the problems), observations, lessons, laughter, and wisdom; all with an underlying empowering, and positive tone, with support and love for one another.

So, how can we tell if we have participated in one of these four types of interactions?

Easy.

Listen to how you feel.

If you leave an interaction feeling drained, ripped off, depleted, or just bored, you participated in a negative , trash-talk interaction. If you feel excited, empowered, like you stretched your thinking, learned something new, joyous, fulfilled, or like your point of view has expanded, you participated in a growth-talk conversation (number 4 from the list).

I want to see more growth talk happening. We need to be choosing our words more wisely, and carefully, and really think about what we are contributing to our conversations.

Decide to be the change.

The next time you find yourself in a trash talk situation, recognize it, and realize that you have the ability to create better conversation. Slowly try to ask better questions or impose greater ideas, a great one that I have been trying to put into practice is to ask people about their visions that they have for their life, or where they see themselves in a year from now, or what change they want to see in the world. These are awesome new conversation starters that can trigger a growth-talk conversation.

It’s time to challenge ourselves to talk more mindfully, and create more growth talk over trash talk.